giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
