Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
