how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
