i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
