SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just invented taco cereal.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
