Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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