cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im six kinds of drunk right now
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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