fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
