We're facebook friends in real life
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
