I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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