you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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