...so i touched it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How external is "for external use only"?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
