You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
