i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
