What did we do last night that was yellow?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
