I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
