i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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