I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The air taste purple.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
