Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
