My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
