I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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