i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
