It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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