I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
