It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
