The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
