by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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