Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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