Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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