dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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