woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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