Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
