She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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