You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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