When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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