i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
