dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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