i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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