I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
