I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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