I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
