that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
