my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
do nipples grow back?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
