I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
