come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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