you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
