So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
