the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
