you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
