Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Found your dick twin last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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