i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
