after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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