whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
