Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
