I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
