So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
